Pasadena Chronicle, January 27, 1927

The Mustard Plaster NUMBER ONCE ONLY PASADENA, CALIFORNIA, JANUARY' 27, 1927 VOLUME? YES GREAT SCANDAL IS REVEALED ‘IN REGARD TO J. C. ELECTIONS WE DEDICATE We dedicate this little paper to the Knights and Knighties of the Royal Order of the Golden Spade. It is published for the purpose of giving an outlet to the terrific com- WHEN LITTLE FRESHIES GROW UP— THEY DON’T GET MUCH BETTER By Miss Led “Know you aught of the scan¬ dalous doing of the various fra- | ternal organizations of this noble institution?” inquired the first of the second. bustions of childish energy that shake the souls of countless eager students. The wish is to hurt no one. Every dirty dig is given with a smile and a handshake. Be a sports¬ man. Try the novel sensation of laughing with the world, at yourself, and at your neigh¬ bor. Forget, for the time being, the awful- importance of your position in life and be one of God’s happy “Four million.” [ “If we can get all this stuff j together in two weeks, what can’t we do in a year?” Let’s meet an¬ nually and tell what we know,” ! so spake the Scribes in unison after the Mustard Plaster had “much.” “Then tell me all,” begged the first. “1 shall begin with the first club organized. It was way back in the fall of ’24 when the officers of the young innocent temple of learning decided that there needs must be some means of putting and keeping candidates in office. The first political faction was then organized among the men. Oh, blessed day! Every member swore to support the party and then signed the oath with blood. The club was known as the Are- opagites. “Shortly after, the women of the young school organized a sim¬ ilar faction for a similar purpose. The name Aeolian was chosen be¬ cause the meaning, ruler of the winds (or hot air), was in keep¬ ing with the nature of the club. “Soon, the third club organized the Phrenocismia, an independent party, opposed the methods em¬ ployed by the other organizations. Believing that “music hath charms,” the Phrenos developed new methods of campaigning by intoxicating voters with songs of the liar. “When it was time for the next election, a new faction sprang into existence. The Sanskrits, under the direction of one of the best political bosses of the country, be¬ came influential in putting forth candidates. “The new club was quite a blow to the standing of the Aeolians and Areopagites, and they decided to unite. No report has ever been issued stating which faction bought out the other. “The corruption of the place made it necessary to organize some Christian associations on the campus. The Y. W. and Y. M. C. A. were then organized. At the same time the Alpha society came into existence. The influ¬ ence was neglible. The year ended with as good a start on the road to political success as any school usually gets in four years. “Next fall opened with the same forces in action. Several social clubs were organized, but none of them affected the political status of the school as much as theh Scribes. Although they did not seem very active at the time, they have since become very prominent. “Other clubs organized the same year were: Chemistry, Ger¬ man, Cosmopolitan, Letterman’s, Players, and the W. A. A. “This fall a new factor entered into the school’s quietude. An ut-of-town school club known as the Baccalaureates came into be¬ ing. Unknown was their power until the last election. “The Gunaikes, a women’s club, also proved to be one of the de- THE DEED IS DONE: THE RAT IS FOUND Now that the election has been satisfactorily exposed we can re¬ turn to our various duties. It’s a quiet day when someone can’t be exposed for something. The only reason more people don’t get ex¬ posed is because they know a policeman or have a friend in the Legislature. As the old lady said to her daughter, “Folks living in glass houses should dress in the basement.” If you have no base¬ ment turn Russian and don’t bathe. We all regret that the Bradys sold the Fourth Ward for a mess of caviar. We regret that Dead- eye Hearn used undue influence on the Mexicali Pipe Line Gang. We are sorry that Scoop Nelson bought the local Soviet soul and body and that he inaugurated the infernal slogan, “Come early and start vot¬ ing.” The thing that hurts us worst, however, is the fact that poor old Max Casey failed to unite the Homo Rule faction. In his inter¬ view with a Sun reporter this aged pillar of the Areopagites is report¬ ed to have said, “We know that they outstuffed us, but there ain't going to be nothing done about it.” Such spirit should inspire the lowly frosh to noble deeds. It is the spirit of a game loser and a good winner. It is the spirit that builds Empires and elects City Commissioners. Every cloud has its silver lining; every swamp has its lily; every election, its scandal. Then comes the reaction. ’Tis Love” Sighed Qeewee As He Took a Peep Into the Little Canoe DOG CATCHING OFFERS BRILLIANT CAREER ciding factors. Rumor hath it that the name means “Gocd- necker.” The Sequoias organized ,but nothing happened. Two language clubs also were formed, the Spanish and French clubs. A powerful machine became ap¬ parent when the various clubs or¬ ganized to put candidates into dif¬ ferent offices this year. With com¬ plete control of the press and a good standing in general, the Scribes sought numbers to help put their candidates in office. Readily theh Baccalaureates joined them. Two men of great calibre were en¬ tered into the race for office. “When a Mexicali pipe line was proposed, the Spanish club joined the Baccalaureate gang in support¬ ing their candidate. The Chemis¬ try club also came to life at the time. “No electioneering was done for other offices.” Right well can the modern bards sing of corruption in school poli¬ tics, “We are far from Plato’s ideal republic.” And in a cloud of blue smoke they vanished. By Mister Completely A weak and pallid moon rose mistily over the steaming marshes. Now and then a night hawk screamed harshly, jarring the! placidity of the tropical silence, j Slowly, quietly, with scarcely a rip- pie a slender canoe drifted out into the open water. Only Qeewee, the goldfish, heard the langorous sighs that floated over the gunwale. ; “Humph!” quoth Qeewee, “ ’S a warm evening.” So saying, he threw his tail in gear and prepared to follow. The canoe drifted stead¬ ily and Qeewee flapped his tail in¬ dustriously keeping close behind. “Boy, this is well worth while,” he chuckled. “Home was never like this.” The canoe drifted on. The moon rose steadily, as moons have been known to do. The soft indescribable perfume of tropical night drifted across the lagoon, j The crooning sigh of the gently swaying reeds gave hints of se¬ crets better left untold. Qeewee was enchanted. “Now whadda you think of that?” he said, alluding to aparticularly choice remark that splashed into his eager ear. The canoe drifted on. “I have often wondered,” said Qeewee, “just; what love means.” Placing his elbow on the stern of the little ! craft, he cautiously looked over the] edge. The canoe drifted on. Qee¬ wee sank back into theh water and : perspired profusely. “Snatch me bald,” ho stuttered, “one more look and I’ll cut my throat.” The canoe drifted on. The moon rose, as was its habit Qeewee paddled madly, j throwing his tail high in the air, which is ultra finesse in the gold- 1 fish A. A. U. As he paddled he! sang solftly, “I’d like to pahdul | my Mahduhlin home. If I could pahdal some Mahdulin home. I’m only a fish but if I get m ywish, I’ll pahdul some Mahdulin home.” i The moon continued to shine. I The canoe continued to drift. Un-| able to resist longer, Qeewee took! another peek. “Praiziz name,” he gasped. The sighs had changed] to soft gurglings and cooings. Then quite suddenly, a masculine voice i said desperately, passionately, “Madaline! Madaline! Stop!” She answered. Her soft caressing voice made Qeewee tremble with delight. “What is it dear?” Out of the darkness came the voice of the abysmal brute. “In the name of seven pop eyed devils, stop snoring! You’ve scared every fish within forty miles.” And poor little Qeewee paddled wearily home, stopping now and then to yawn and let the moon shine in. By Miss Led “Wo must rid the world of these viscious pests,” declared Wotta Houndog, local dogcatcher, in a most interesting as well as instruc¬ tive lecture presented to Orienta¬ tion students, on January 32, this year. In his talk, Mr. Houndog em¬ phasized the great opportunities for service offered in the profes¬ sion of dogcatching, stating that he had personally brought more joy to the hearts of the younger generation than any other man ex¬ cept Santa Claus. Listing some other advantages of the profession, Mr. Houndog stated that the social importance of a member of the force was un¬ questionable. An active outdoor life is another great attraction for young people. Of less importance, but still worthy of mention, is the fact that every dogcatcher is pro¬ vided with an automobile. Qualifications given by Mr. Houndog are very restrictive. One must be above the average intelli¬ gence, have a healthy physique, possess an accurate sense of pro¬ portion, have unlimited courage, look well in a dark blue uniform (in order to add a picturesque note to the city), and command an un¬ limited vocabulary in certain di¬ rections. However, he added, the latter- qualification may be developed aft¬ er securing a position. In recent years the field has grown in proportion to the increase of population in Southern Califor¬ nia, according to Mr. Houndog, and in order to meet the demands of the present, strict examinations have recently been inaugurated by the state. “A dogcatcher must have a college education if he is to keep the standard of his profes¬ sion up to that set by college in¬ structors,” stated Mi-. Houndog. Now If We Did It ,We We Would Do It Thusly By Mister Completely Being of sound mind and in comparatively good health and in unusually good fettle we volun¬ teer the following suggestions for furnishing the Alpha society rooms. First we suggest chest exercisers, next, dumb bells, thirdly, horizontal bars and lastly but not elastly, the following motto, “Manhood, not scholarship, is the object of education.” Ralph Moslander, small son of Mr. and Mrs. J. W. Moslander was saved from an untimely death when extracted from the carpet sweeper this morning. Five years later they met. Here’s the leter compiled by the secretaries: Nobu Kawai, former chief of police in J. C., states that he is now connected with the Chicago force. Mr. Kawai, as he prefers to be called, drove up in a ack- ard limousine. J. Ruskin Lane, a casual laborer, states that he spent the summer touring the country. He also says that hospitality and brakes aren't all they used to be. Rus announces that Pasadena is the best place of all. Christena Urquhart came dash¬ ing in just in time' to get some¬ thing to eat, and after six dough¬ nuts and ten glasses of cider (a la Phenocosmia), she spent the remainder of the afternoon chat¬ tering fast and furious. Among other things we were able to grasp that Hearst, after reading- the Mustard Plaster of January 1927, had offered her a permanent position on the Examiner staff as a writer for the Sunday maga¬ zine section. Chris says, not until just last night when she heard the old adage, “It takes a thief to catch a thief,” did it dawn on her why the Scribes made her editor of the scandal sheet. Frances Wakoski, the little round girl, who has done every¬ thing except roll down stairs backwards, to get her name in the paper, at last has arrived. Here you are, Waski. Theodore Sierks’ college career along with his journalism died ф a slow lingering death. He is instigating a channel swim, offer¬ ing as the victors’ reward ten packages of gum. Not turning down a chance like that, Carolyn Bloom, the girl who helped Wrigley become what he is today, has been swimming the L. A. river every morning for the past two months preparatory to her big attempt on June 21. She is already known as the “Helen Wills of Swimming.” After attending nineteen dif¬ ferent junior colleges in the last eight months, Virginia Kemper became a highly successful writer of Listerine ads. Her latest, which she sends to the Scribes in place of her presence, is: Oft¬ en a sophomore but never a jun¬ ior. Something — elusive, intangi¬ ble, she knew not what, — always kept that certificate from her. That is the insiduous thing about it, etc.” A letter received from James Simsarian states that the warden will not let him come. He signed his name “Nap.” Ramarize Dyer has traveled far and hard, she looked it. The dust of Mekico, Brazil, and other Ori- (Continued mi Page Three) V